hms i shld have like known.
over the years, i never had friends for 'forever'
well perhaps whats left is claire only.
maybe like i always thought, im destined to lead a life alone.
since no one wants to do anythng,
i shld kind of get going with my life.
i shld just stop crying each day, and i shld just break the damn curse.

ive already lost one of my best closest friend, and another of my confidante. i doubt there is no turning back to those days where we are happy kids again. what i can do, is not lose myself anymore.

just as a song goes, "there can be miracles when you believe, though hope is frail it's hard to kill, who knows what miracles you can achieve when you believe., somehow you will, youwill when you believe

eh hms, the reason why im back here, is because i cant blog on the other side for some reasons.

i would say im quite in a bad shape.
but thats just the way life is.
im like living in two worlds, it doesnt seem like i have a choice.

ytd was a horrible day.
maybe when i was younger, i wanted to try some stuff.
which i did ytd. it will be way embarassing if i got found out.
but i couldnt helped it. it just came pouring.

it seems like, either ive grown stronger, or ive grown withdrawn.
i somehow learnt deception.
how to deceive people into thinking that im happy;
how to deceive myself;
how to deceive others by looking so happy, when i could be dying inside.
it really seems like i somehow learnt it,
and its not really on purpose. it just somehow came.

im so tired, im so sick of pretending im fine when im not.
to be smiling and laughing when deep inside me, im just dying badly.
im so angry with myself, for being so untrue to everyone even myself,
for lying and pretending so much.
im just so baffled by how i could be so perfectly fine at one moment,
and just in a blink of an eye, i crumbled.

but i will still keep up with all these.
i feel happier being happier,
and i need all these whatever that i can get.
and recent events have told me i should never trust anyone in my life.

i need some icecream therapy soon!
i need to feel happy, be happy and always look happy.

go go go!

 

sigh i have had enough, honestly.
i just need some peace.
i dont want school, i dont want home, i dont want anything.

just wait and see, soon and i mean really soon,
everything is going to blow up.

please, im trying to be really happy.
im really trying. please, dont do this to me.

i want to be in a world of my own.
now.

 

you know, i chose this path, so im gna have to stick to it.
even if how much some words got it right,
even if there are bruises all over,
even if i was lying,
even if anything happens.
im gna have to stick to it. :/

now i wish you hadnt talked to me at all.
maybe all this deception would be better.
i would have hide it elsewhere, and everything.

im so not wanting to go school tmr, not tmr. not at all.

if i told you it hadnt hurt, they are all lies.
im never strong, and never was.
it was just a stupid front.
you know,sometimes,i feel like i wasnt worth being a friend to anyone.
but if i was another person, i would choose to be friends with myself.
i need someone.

maybe nothing was built to ever last.
you me everyone everything.
everyone comes and go.
some stay longer, some shorter.
but no one ever stays forever.

im just going to tell myself how happy i am.
and im going to be.
yes i am.

 

hms, im kinda relocated,
but back here when i think i need a better place.

exams are over, and i should party,
but somehow its not the case.
i wanted to drink ytd, all forgetting im having a paper today.
but yeah didnt.
wanted to today, but i was too full.

yes after every exams, its time to drink and party.
drink down all my sorrows and fight life again.

sighs, in life, there's more to this.